The other day, I received an email from a wife who said that she could feel her and her husband “drifting apart in our marriage.” However, when she tried to talk to her husband about this, he became defensive and asked her how she could expect for things to be exactly the same after so many years together. He assured her that it was normal for there to be a cooling off and that “everything was fine.” However, the wife didn’t buy this. Everything did not feel fine. She wanted to know if she should keep pressing the “drifting apart issue” or just let it go. I’ll tell you what I told her in the following article.
Why You Should Not Ignore It When You Feel Yourself “Drifting Apart” From Your Spouse: From my own experience and from my research, I know first hand and with all confidence that the first blow to a marriage is often lessening intimacy and connection. This is the start of the cracks beginning to show. And, if you ignore it and don’t address it, those cracks are going to spread, get bigger, and then deepen and will therefore will be harder to contain and patch.
A couple who are deeply bonded and are feeling intimate toward each other are going to have a much easier time navigating what life throws their way. Because they care deeply about what the other person is feeling, they’re much more willing to work harder and give more. That’s why it’s so important to retain a close and unbreakable bond and “drifting apart” is most definitely a weakening of this.
Don’t Push The Drifting Apart Issue If Your Spouse Is Resistant. Work On It From Your Own Angle: With these thing said, if your spouse is denying any problem, then there is really no reason for you to continue to dwell on it. You can make big changes, all by yourself. Start by controlling what you can, which are, first and foremost, your own actions. You don’t have to come on too strong or be too obvious, but you can begin to prioritize spending quality time with your spouse.
So many of us expect to feel very intimate with our spouses and yet we do not put in the kind of time that would make that so. When we were dating, we only showed them the best of ourselves, we listened intently when they talked, and we made it our mission in life to know exactly how they were feeling and what was important to them. As a result, we were rewarded with feeling extremely close.
However, with the passage of time, we start to lose our grip. Other obligations begin to invade and we can no longer put in the same kind of time. As more time passes and nothing bad seems to happen, then we slip a little more. And then one day we wake up to find that we’ve “drifted apart” but we don’t connect the dots. We don’t see the correlation between the lack of time and effort and the lack of intimacy. But, you can most certainly change this and you can start today, with yourself.
Begin by trying to focus more on your spouse. Really listen to what they are saying. Ask open ended questions. Ask yourself how you can support them and lighten their load and then do it. You don’t need to explain anything to them. Just start acting like the caring and involved spouse that you, yourself, would want.
As you begin to get positive results from this, then naturally more time together will follow. This time together will strengthen your bond and draw you closer together. When you were dating, I’ll bet you found all sorts of activities that you enjoyed together. It didn’t need to cost a lot of money and it didn’t require a lot of planning. It was enjoyable because they were with you. Your goal should be to create this again. It truly isn’t as insurmountable as you might think. You have to willing. You have to be open. And you have to put in the time and effort. Today is the day. There is no time like the present. So stop feeling the drift and start feeling the pull.
Unfortunately for me, I almost waited too long to change my actions and my words when I felt my husband and I begin to drift apart. This almost cost me my marriage. Making things better took a 380 degree turnaround on my part, but it was so worth it. I was eventually able to return the love and intimacy, and save the marriage. You can read my very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/.